Alien Contact

An Alien appearing on Mamgu's telly
We’d just settled down in Mamgu’s front room to watch Pobl y Cwm when a load of interference came on the telly.  Morris had just got up to give it a whack when this horrible face appeared through all the crackles and started making a noise like an octopus or something.  He looked proper upset and started banging on the inside of the screen and was clearly shouting at us. His face would have been red if Mamgu had a colour telly.  Unfortunately, none of us understands alien underwater speak so at first we were confused.  After a while though, we got the gist of what he was trying to say.  Apparently, his name is Tharg and he’s the foreign minister for the undersea ice aliens of Europa.  And it seems, our Dilwyn has eaten their equivalent of singer Susan Boyle and they’re all very upset about it.
Anyway, unless we send them our Susan Boyle to make up for their loss, pronto, or 3 Cheryl Coles and a Roger Whittaker, then they’re going to invade earth.

By this point all this shouting and waving was meithering Mamgu, so we switched over to watch the end of Emmerdale instead – we can always watch the Pobl y Cwm repeat on Sunday.

Alien lifeforrm discovered on Europa

Dilwyn baiting his hook ready for some fishing on Europa
Dilwyn baiting his hook ready for some fishing on Europa

For millennia mankind has wondered at the possibility of life existing elsewhere in our universe. The visions of H.G. Wells may have fallen short in so much as Mars isn’t actually overrun by little green men or indeed, so far, even by microbial life-forms and is likely a barren desert. But, January 2011, and The Welsh Space Agency can now confirm, via our Cymru III mission to Callisto (then Europa) that life does indeed exist on a world other than our own.

And this must rank as the most astounding scientific discovery ever – certainly since the discovery that eating past-their-sell-by curried eggs causes tectonic flatulence.

This astonishing sequence of photographs on the right shows the moments of revelation. Mission Deputy Commander Dilwyn Griffiths has bored a test hole through the icy crust of Europa into the liquid ocean below and into which he is about to lower a probe to test for salinity, temperature and relative density. To avoid contaminating this pristine alien ocean, all the equipment has been wiped down with a hanky prior to use.

The first photo shows Dilwyn adjusting the test cable prior to lowering into the bore hole.

Dilwyn gets a bite
Dilwyn gets a bite

The second photo shows the deflection in the line tensioning rod which clearly indicates something in the deep has interacted with the equipment at the end of the line.

Picture 3 shows Dilwyn after he has hauled up this life-form which is completely new to science. It appears to have been attracted to the cheese which Dilwyn attached to the test probe.

Dilwyn catches his first alien lifeform
Dilwyn catches his first alien lifeform

The creature survived removal from its habitat, responded to light when brought to the surface and seemed relatively unfazed by the transition from liquid to gaseous environment. Dilwyn held it carefully to avoid hurting it while he examined it further, and amazingly the animal made eye-contact with our man.

It’s tentacles are clearly highly tactile like those of an octopus and it seemed to exhibit signs of intelligence as it probed Dilwyn’s spacesuit. Shortly, it attempted communication. Gesticulating up at the starry sky and then down to the hole from whence it came. It then tapped out a series of numbers on Dilwyn’s arm which turned out to be all prime numbers. It was clearly trying to tell us something about it and the world in which it lived.

At gas mark 5 for 11/2 hours and with a gravy made up from its giblets, it made for a very passable, if slightly gamey, chicken casserole.

Europa Landing

Welsh space agency ground crew
Welsh space agency ground crew

If you’re checking back here to see if Dilwyn’s landed on Europa yet, then, no, he hasn’t.  But you’re probably as sick of Europa as we are by now.  Only we can’t do the landing bit until the month end – any month end.  That’s the only way we can be sure we’ll have a sober ground-crew as their money runs out before pay-day.

It’s not that we need a ground-crew though – especially as the action is all ‘up there’.  But they’re the ones who are seen on TV news to cheer at the moment of landing or whenever something goes right.  Or in our case to just cheer anyway.  Then off to the White Lion.