Uncle Rhodri

Del from the internet has written to us suggesting that Uncle Rhodri is winning far too much to be normal, and does he have inter-terrestrial influences?

Bookies' favourite, Uncle Rhodri checking out the form.We’re so glad you asked that question Del, because, remarkable as it may seem, Uncle Rhodri does indeed win an awful lot (of times). In fact, his system – the Uncle Rhodri System ™ guarantees a winner every single race.

Uncle Rhodri has created a small fortune*1 from his highly lucrative*2 horse betting system. And for one day only, we’re prepared to let you in on his secret. But before we do we should warn you that it is very complicated and requires intense concentration, and a good biro. And a lot of money to start with. Here goes…

By using your best skill and judgement, you should bet decreasing amounts on the horses in decreasing likelihood of winning the race.
This is easiest explained by using as an example today’s 3.15 Pedigree Chum Handicap Stakes (1m 2f) at Merthyr Tydfil :

Uncle Rhodri studying the gee-gee's form

 

Horse Odds Bet Rhodri wins
#1 Kennomeat Boy 11/4 £5 £18.75
#2 Frenchman’s dinner 12/1 £1 £13.00
#3 Where’s me cart 7/4 fav £6 £16.50
#4 Racecard filler 5/1 £3 £18.00
#5 Princess Glue Factory 7/2 £4 £18.00
#6 Final Hurdle 15/2 £2 £17.00

 

So as you can see from the above illustration, with a total bet of £21 on the whole race, Uncle Rhodri is GUARANTEED a minimum of £13 return on his bet whichever horse wins.  And with £18.75 the most he can win, he will NEVER LOSE more than he bet. So, now you have the secret, keep it to yourself and get yourself down the bookies and just like Uncle Rhodri, ALWAYS walk away with a confused smile on your face.
*1 he started with a much larger fortune.
*2 for his bookmaker

Biscuits

Welsh Secret Agent, Llyr ap Llwyllion

It’s a little known fact, but the Welsh Space Agency only accept biscuits from one top secret source – a highly exclusive secret bakery on a mystical organic island in Scotland.

Our biscuit logistic agents are thoroughly trained in handing over the 3 pound coins in exchange for said biscuits and waiting for the change before putting the biscuits in a bag and returning with them to Wales.

Top secret Biscuit Procurement Executive Llyr ap LLwyllion is seen here having successfully liberated another box of Island Organic Chocolate Limes from the Deli in Tobermory High Street on a secret island in Scotland.

See also how he holds his stomach in to conceal flab when the girls are watching.