Situations vacant

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A vacancy has opened up within our Small Hadron Collider Facility behind the Mace in Cerrigydrudion.

Applicants will be familiar with Bose-Einstein Condensates, Quark and gluon plasmas and stock-rotation methodologies.

You will also have a proven track record in technical solutions architecture especially within the fruit and vegetable sector.  A degree of self-motivation will be required as will an inherent ability to organise tins of dog food in neat rows with the labels facing outwards.

The successful applicant will also be responsible for bio-security within the complex and should exhibit an innate resourcefulness with a ground-surface-swab and bucket.

Communication skills are vital to this role and an ability to express oneself through simple grunts and the odd “dunno” would be advantageous. But preference will be given to candidates conversant with complex fiscal accumulation devices whilst displaying competence at closing high volume customer-facing transactions without looking-up from your mobile phone.

A remuneration package commensurate with the Saturday girl in the Mace will be provided as well as bonus payments of out-of-date packs of Garibaldis and dented tins with no labels.

Applications in writing, with a proper pen, here please. Deadline a fortnight last Wednesday.

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