not santa...rubies. in piles as high as small cows
not santa…rubies. in piles as high as small cows

As James Lovell on board the Apollo 8 command module came out from behind the moon he said loudly and clearly: ‘PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS.

Many conspiracy theorists have long held this to be a code that he had seen alien settlements on the dark side of the moon. The Welsh Agency knows it to be different from this, as it is in fact a code that the moon’s dark side is littered with massive rubys. Gleaming red gemstones piled as high as a herd of small cows.

Cymru 1 taking off from the cymrodrome at Melin-y-Wig
Cymru 1 taking off from the cymrodrome at Melin-y-Wig

In 1985 we launched our first ever craft, Cymru 1 on a dangerous mission to collect as many of these moon rubys as possible.

The mission was a success in as far as it reached the far side of the moon and returned intact. Alas, we didn’t find any rubys. It appears they have already been gathered up by the thousands of aliens living there.

The sun, where Cymru II came to an end trying to mine the gold seen here
The sun, where Cymru II came to an end trying to mine the gold seen here

1993 saw us attempt to put Cymru 2 into space. This time the mission was to extract gold from sunbeams. Unfortunately, Cymru 2 was destroyed on entering the sun’s orbit. Also, we forgot to take any pictures of it before it went. All the crew were from Blaenau Ffestiniog, so it doesn’t really matter.