Typical! Not a single update to this website in months, then along comes one all at the same time. Actually, whilst it might seem like over a year to you, it’s just over 50 minutes to us since we last posted something on here. You see we have discovered how to make time elastic.
We wondered what our parking-space weights and measures official, Morris Spoon, did all day – we’ve only got three parking spaces after all. Turns out he’s a bit of a techno-whizz and came up with the chrono-disruption unit you see here. Yes, a time machine.
He didn’t know what it was supposed to do at first – but then he added a handle to the device and when he wound it to see what happened he discovered that he had travelled forward in time by about 3 minutes. A bit more tweaking and he got it to go backwards as well, and for longer times.
It’s all proper science and that. What’s more it uses readily available mobile-phone technology to do some of it. Serendipity then prevailed because Mamgu thought it was something the washing-machine chap had left and so ran out after him only to drop it which subtly altered the way it works. Now it doesn’t so much make the operator go back in time as make everyone else in the world go forward.
Anyway, we think it could prove a cheap and cheerful way of getting our Dilwyn back from Jupiter’s moon Europa*1 without having to bother with a mission.
Now that we have patented the device with the British Homeopathic Society’s Technological Advancement Office we can tell you how it works.
1. Vacillation wave unit.
2. Taid Jones’ watch. This is where you set the time to travel to.
3. Don’t know what that does.
4. Nor this.
5. Llyr’s old mobile phone with wires coming out the back.
6. Chrono-reflective membrane.
7. Music box which plays “My Way” or “Que sera”.
Just like Hadron Colliders – they’re easy once you’ve seen it done once.
In the photo on the right you can see our Senior Biscuit Procurement Executive, Ffranc Ff. Ffestiniog breaking the news of this amazing invention to the world’s telly. You can also just see Myfanwy hanging around knitting something in the corner.
*1 See, we do remember!
